BY: DM
Published 5 hours ago
If you’ve ever heard someone say they’re a “chapstick lesbian,” you might have laughed, nodded, or wondered what that even means. The term is exclusive to the LGBTQIA+ community, but has seeped into social media feeds.
A relatively small percentage of the U.S. adult population explicitly labels themselves “lesbian,” while a larger share identifies as bisexual or LGBTQIA+ more broadly. A Gallup report finds that about 1.4% of U.S. adults identify specifically as lesbian, 2.0% as gay, and 5.2% as bisexual, with an overall LGBTQIA+ share that has grown in recent years.
The phrase is cheeky, and it’s become one of the many labels queer women use to describe how they move through the world. But what does it actually mean, who gets to use it, and how many women does this even describe?
What is a “chapstick lesbian?”
A chapstick lesbian is a woman who identifies as lesbian and presents between the traditionally feminine “lipstick” aesthetic and the more masculine “butch” look. She may wear jeans, keep a clean-cut hairstyle, and use minimal makeup — often choosing chapstick instead of a bold red lipstick. The term reflects a low-maintenance style and a laid-back energy. It does not police anyone’s gender expression.
According to Out, the term traces back in popular usage to the 1990s and got extra mainstream buzz after an episode of “Ellen,” when Ellen DeGeneres joked she’d be a “chapstick lesbian.” The “Ellen” episode gave the term a mainstream moment, but the word was already part of lesbian slang. LGBTQIA+ communities have long used style-based labels as a way to describe gender expression and attraction.
A chapstick lesbian belongs to a larger family of labels people use to describe gender expression and attraction. These include lipstick lesbian (very feminine), butch (masculine-presenting), femme (feminine-presenting within queer communities), futch or futchie (a blend of femme and butch), stem (a term used primarily in Black and Latinx communities to describe a middle-ground presentation), and stud (a culturally specific term historically used in Black lesbian communities).
When is it OK to use the term “chapstick lesbian”?
It is OK to use “chapstick lesbian” when someone self-identifies with the term. If a person calls herself a chapstick lesbian, you can use that label for her. If you don’t know, don’t assume. GLAAD emphasizes the importance of asking before assigning identity labels, because that simple act shows basic respect. You can also use the term in friendly conversation. Among queer friends, slang like this often works as shorthand and bonding language. It can feel cute, empowering, and identity-affirming when used by people who understand the context.
What you should not do is weaponize the label. Do not use it to mock, stereotype, or out someone. Do not assume it explains everything about that person’s politics, background, or history. Labels describe aesthetics or identities, but they never replace consent or lived experience.
The “Ellen” “chapstick lesbian” joke feels light, but it was bold for its time. She showed that not every lesbian looks like the stereotypes. Some are glam, some are gritty, and some keep it simple. Decades later, the phrase hasn’t faded. It’s still a favorite for women who want to describe their vibe without overexplaining.
How do you feel about using slang like “lipstick,” “butch,” or “futch” to describe identity? Is it helpful or limiting?
