BY: DM
Published 3 hours ago
Love isn’t dead — it just got its own apartment. More and more couples are ditching the traditional idea of shacking up together and choosing what’s called a LAT relationship — aka “Living Apart Together.” And while folks act like it’s some revolutionary Gen Z thing, the LGBTQIA+ community has been doing LAT from necessity, safety, desire, and now, increasingly, from power.
Everyone’s talking about soft life, boundaries, and emotional intelligence lately, so it’s no surprise that relationships are shifting too. More couples are taking on LAT setups, challenging the old-school idea that love has to mean constant togetherness. For them, love means being deeply connected while still living in separate homes. They choose a partnership without giving up independence. Let’s break down what LAT relationships really mean, where they come from, and why they work for some couples.
What is a LAT relationship?
A LAT relationship is when partners are in a committed relationship but live in separate homes. Not because they’re long-distance or avoiding commitment — they choose this setup to keep both the romance and their personal space alive. This trend is popping off for a bunch of reasons. For some, it’s financial. In places like NYC, L.A., or D.C., the cost of living is no joke. Splitting rent sounds good on paper, but for folks who already have stable housing, living separately just makes more sense.
Then there’s the independence factor. “It allows for something called individuation,” psychotherapist Lucy Beresford told The Guardian. Some folks come from messy live-in relationships in the past and want something smoother this time around. Others believe that keeping a bit of distance makes the heart grow fonder — and the sex, spicier.
Some married folks are doing this, too. Older adults, especially divorced or widowed people jumping back into the dating pool, are also vibing with LAT setups. After raising kids or living through toxic cohabitation, many just want companionship without constant proximity.
Actress Sheryl Lee Ralph and her hubby, PA State Senator Vincent Hughes, have rocked this “living apart together” vibe for almost two decades. They keep their own lives — his in Philly, hers in Hollywood — see each other every two weeks, and choose connection over cohabitation. “He has his own life. I have my own life,” she told People magazine. “He has his own real career, I have my own real career. He has his light to stand in; I have my light to stand in. He is not looking at me, thinking about status or this or that. He’s doing his thing. I get to do my thing.”
LGBTQIA+ folks have been in LAT relationships for decades.
Before TikTok made LAT a buzzword, LGBTQIA+ folks — especially in urban spaces — were practicing it out of both survival and freedom. Historically, queer couples haven’t always had the privilege to live together openly. Whether it was unsafe housing, unaffirming families, or homophobic landlords, cohabitation just wasn’t an option for many.
Even today, with more rights and visibility, many queer people choose LAT for emotional well-being. Trans and nonbinary folks, especially, might find peace in creating their own safe spaces while still nurturing a romantic bond.
Do you think living apart actually keeps the romance alive, or does it create distance over time?
