Britney Spears continues to open up about her the estrangement between herself and her children.
The 40-year-old pop superstar shared numerous audio messages through Instagram on Saturday night (Sept. 10) about the emotional aftermath of being shunned by her boys Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden, 15, whom she shares with ex-husband Kevin Federline.
“Since they’ve been gone, I’ve honestly felt like a huge part of me has died,” Spears says during one of five brief clips, which also spanned such topics as past AA meetings, therapy with horses, and the horrors of her 13-year conservatorship.
Federline told the Daily Mail in early August that the former couple’s sons had been avoiding their mother in recent months, and that they were having a difficult time dealing with her nude images on social media following the end of her conservatorship. Jayden also recently spoke out in an ITV interview about his mom’s parenting and not attending her recent star-studded wedding to longtime beau Sam Asghari.
“Like, literally, I have no purpose anymore,” the “Hold Me Closer” singer continues in the minute-long audio clip. “They were my joy, they were my everything. I looked forward to seeing them, that was what I lived for. And then all of a sudden, they were gone. I was like, ‘Did my heart just stop beating?’ Honestly, I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them just to cut me off like that. I don’t understand it.”
Spears points out that she “used to have my kids, at one point, way more than” Federline, whom she was married to between 2004 and 2007. “People don’t remember that part because they always focus on the negative. But from when they were 6 to 9 years old, I had them 70% of the time.”
In another audio clip, the pop star addresses claims that she’s using social media to gain attention. “With my kids now making the claims that she’s not good enough, she wants attention,” she says. “Yeah, I do want to be heard and I’m angry. And I kind of want to subconsciously offend people because I’ve been so f—ing offended.”
Spears concluded her thoughts by sending well wishes to her two sons. “All I know is that my love for my children is more than anything and and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you guys in any way,” she says. “I was told you guys have blocked me. But I will speak here. … I’m so blessed to even call you mine, and I just want you to know I apologize.”
Listen to Spears’ audio recordings on Instagram below.