BY: DM
Published 1 day ago
The dating scene is a mess these days, and not everyone feels sparks on the first swipe or the first date. For some, love only comes after friendship has been forged. The term demiromantic captures that pattern.
Demiromantic refers to a romantic orientation that has become popular in younger generations and LGBTQIA+ communities. In other words, they might only fall for someone once they know them really well — usually after friendship or a close connection has grown.
However, demiromanticism is a little more complex than friends-turned-lovers. Here is a look at the romantic orientation.
What Does Demiromantic Mean?
Verywell Mind explains that demiromantics “only experience romantic feelings for someone after they first form a strong emotional bond.” The word comes from the French demi, meaning “half,” suggesting a partial or delayed romance. It first popped up online around 2011 via the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN). Demiromantic sits under the broader aromantic umbrella. They are somewhere between “alloromantic” (people who fall in love more easily) and “aromantic” (who feel little or no romantic attraction).
Importantly, romantic attraction is distinct from sexual attraction. Them explains that demiromantics may still feel physical attraction or have sex without romantic feelings, just as asexual people can still fall in love romantically. Liz Powell, a PhD and sexual-diversity educator, notes that demiromantic people tend to have more fleeting desires.
“The labels are there to serve us, to give us ways to understand ourselves, and to begin conversations with others about who we are and how we experience ourselves,” Powell explained to Women’s Health.. So if identifying as demiromantic helps you feel understood and seen, then use it.”
Dating as a demiromantic presents several challenges.
In practice, dating looks different for demiromantics. They tend to identify strongly with friends-to-lovers stories. PhD and sexual-diversity researcher, Ummni Khan, states that friendship and collaboration are usually the gateway to dating.
“If you identify as demiromantic, it’s important not to feel pressure to prematurely determine if you ‘like, like’ someone,” Khan said per Women’s Health. “Romantic urges may never develop or occur after an intense few weeks of togetherness or after a leisurely ten years.”
This slow-build approach can conflict with hookup culture and speed-dating apps. Demiromantic people may feel that apps built on quick hookups feel odd — they rarely fall in love at first sight. If sex is involved, it’s separate from love: it’s possible to enjoy sexual relationships without feeling any romantic crush at first.
Khan suggests that if you’re open to dating a demiromantic, the journey could be lengthy. “Our society often celebrates spontaneous and instantaneous romance, which can socially invalidate the demiromantic tempo, so take this opportunity to embrace the slow-burn romance of demiromanticism,” Khan said.
Demiromanticism is also a reminder that romance doesn’t look the same for everyone. The same way some folks only catch feelings after friendships deepen, society is slowly learning to value those who love on their own timetable.
Do you think hookup culture leaves enough space for folks who fall in love slowly? Comment below!
