Say What Now? Wisconsin High School Teacher Confesses to Repeatedly Defecating in Public Park

A Wisconsin teacher has been ordered to pay more than $6,000 for because he couldn’t stop sh*tting in a public park.

via Complex:

According to Janesville Gazette, Jeffrey S. Churchwell admitted to pooping in Whitewater, Wisconsin’s Natureland Park. Per a report from the Walworth County Sheriff’s Office, Churchwell had been defecating—sometimes more than once a day—on and outside of a building in the park since 2017.  

The investigation picked up when Brent Brooks met with a deputy in October 2019. Brooks claimed that someone has been pooping on a park building and leaving behind feces and toilet paper. It reportedly happened at least once a day for five days out of the week. The park department had been forced to clean up the mess and often had to pressure wash the area to protect the paint.

In his complaint to the Sheriff’s office, Brooks also gave the authorities photos from trail cameras that show a man pooping in the park. Additionally, the cameras showed a Chevy Malibu and a partial plate number. This evidence was used to identify Churchwell as a suspect. On Oct. 8, a deputy stopped Churchwell’s vehicle as he was driving into the park. 

Churchwell confessed to doing “a No. 2” by the park building. He says that he was “being an idiot” and changes in the bathroom after taking a poop to run in the park. Some days, he stopped by the park to defecate on his way to work as a high school English teacher. At first, he claimed to have been doing it since this summer but later admitted to having started close to two years ago.

A day later, Churchwell wrote a letter apologizing to the deputy.

“I’m so disappointed in myself. I have the great opportunity to teach ‘Political Rhetoric,'” the email read. “In this class, I stress the importance of involved citizenship. And then there I am being a lousy citizen of Walworth County. My hypocrisy now sickens me.”

Churchwell was cited for disorderly conduct. He has agreed to pay the county’s Public Works Department a $365 fine and $5,705 in restitution. 

We have so many questions…but we also don’t want to know.

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