I’m a 24 year old Texan, and the youngest of three. My mom plans on re-marrying next summer. I don’t support her marriage, but she expects me to attend. I’m trying to be reasonable, but I don’t know what to do. My mom always taught us that “all we have are each other,” but I really feel alone on this. As usual, my sister can’t address my concerns, because she doesn’t have time. As for my brother, he’s never met the guy and probably won’t come anyway due to distance.
Should I try to live up to my mother’s demands, and attend her premenopausal second coming? Should I do like my siblings have done, and find a way to stay out of sight while she goes through a mid-life crisis?
Dear love muffin,
As a person who is dealing with his own unique set of family issues, I’ve learned that you must develop a way of interacting with your family in a way that’s healthy and best for you.
Honestly, if I must be frank — sometimes it’s best to love some family members from a distance. Not to say that you need to adapt the same mentality towards your mother as your siblings have, but if you truly feel that you can’t be in the midst of your mother’s “premenopausal second coming” (and is that really fair for you to decide that this is what the relationship is for her?), then don’t be.
Your parents raising you to be an adult includes giving you the ability to make your own decisions, decisions which may include breaks from them. You can’t allow anyone, including family, to drag you down to a place that you’re uncomfortable with and would cause you to be “old and bitter”.
Everyone in your life should encourage you and help you to become the highest form of yourself. Anyone who is not helping you achieve that goal should be removed until they can do so — or at least until you’re able to interact with them in a way that doesn’t have a negative effect on your feelings.
The moral of the story is that ultimately you have to do what’s best for you and your sanity. So do it.
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