Dear B. Scott,
I’ve been in a relationship for two years. It’s been a great relationship. We support each other, we’ve gone on countless trips, we’re totally involved in each other’s lives, we’re even considering moving in together.
There’s one problem: we don’t tell each other we love each other. I heard the words “I love you” leave his lips once towards the beginning of our relationship after a drunken night with friends…but not a single time since.
I don’t tell him either, because I have this fear of not hearing it back. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I need to say something, but things are so perfect with us I don’t want to risk rocking the boat for something that seems so small.
What should I do?
Dear Love Muffin,
Don’t let a word get in the way of what is real in your relationship.
To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mother tell my father that she loves him — and they’ve been married almost 50 years.
The truth of the matter is that sometimes people don’t hold the same value in words as others. Your boyfriend may have been raised in an environment where the words ‘I love you’ weren’t exchanged freely and openly, so that concept of expression may be foreign to him.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your feelings. If you love him, tell him you love him. You know by now that after two years of a solid relationship that he loves you…he may just need to get used to hearing it.
Life’s too short to hide how you truly feel. You wouldn’t want to leave this earth without having the chance to tell him you love him, would you? Holding on to that fear you have of not hearing it back will only start to put unnecessary stress on your relationship.
At the end of the day, everybody wants to be loved on. I think you should tell him you love him as often as you feel like it, independent of his response.
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