Dear B. Scott,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we’re both coming up on some major decisions. One in particular is our living situation. He’s nearing the end of his lease and I’m living with my parents. He’s brought up the idea of us moving in together before, but he didn’t really seem serious. But now I’m noticing as time goes on he’s sending me more and more pictures of places to live and asking me what I think. I don’t know if this is his way of hinting that we should move-in together, because I know for a fact these properties are outside of his price range and he would need another source of income.
I see myself with him, but I’m honestly not sure if I’m ready to move in with him. That seems like a huge commitment. I’m afraid he’s depending on me to help move into these beautiful places and I don’t know how to tell him I’m not ready. I don’t want to let him down. Any advice?
Dear love muffin,
I commend you for recognizing what a huge step moving in with someone is.
The most important factor in any relationship is communication. His motives could be that he wants to combine your financial resources and get a nice place, or he could be using this as a way to take your relationship to the next level, or he might just be thinking that you’d prefer to live with him as opposed to living with your parents.
Whatever his reasoning is, you must express how you feel. Once you start the conversation it’ll be much easier to get your reservations out into the open.
There’s nothing wrong with not being ready to move in. You can’t let the fear of letting someone down stop you from making the decisions that are best for you and your life. Just make sure that you do a thorough job of explaining that not wanting to move in just yet isn’t necessarily a reflection of how you feel about the relationship. It’s all about managing expectations and making sure the both of you are on the same page.
That being said, I will say that when you are ready to move in with someone it is truly an eye-opening experience. I believe you never truly get to know a person until you live together. So when you do, make sure at a point in the relationship where you’re ready to see them for exactly who they are.
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