Dear B. Scott,
I accused my husband-to-be of cheating, buy I was wrong. During the argument we had about the situation, I said some really hurtful things to him out of anger that he just can’t seem to get over. I really love him and I don’t want our relationship to be over, but he feels that he can’t trust me with his heart because of what I said. What can I do to fix it?
As you probably have figured out by now, just because you get upset with someone during a heated argument doesn’t give you permission to say hurtful things. You have to take responsibility for your actions. Your words once said can’t be undone. They can be forgiven, but not forgotten.
Years ago, I had a friend who said some truly hurtful things to me during a heated argument which caused our friendship never to be the same. Quite frankly put, I still loved her as a person, but I didn’t want to be around her. Every time I saw her I was instantly reminded of how she made me feel in that particular moment.
It’s difficult knowing that someone you love has the potential to hurt you in ways that you never expected.
I think one of the most important things is that you need to identify where those words came from. Were they truly just ‘out of anger’, or are they rooted in an inner truth? Just because you didn’t mean to say exactly what you said, doesn’t necessarily mean that you weren’t trying to convey a true sentiment.
You need to have a serious heart-to-heart acknowledging what was said, where it came from, and then you need to apologize. Only then can you two work towards forgiveness.
Also keep in mind that there are situations, depending on what was said, where you simply can’t work through them. Trust is like a broken mirror, you can fix it…but you can never look at it the same way again.
Whatever the outcome may be, don’t expect it to happen overnight.
Submit your questions now: [email protected] and be sure to tweet us @lovebscott with the hashtag #AskBScott