Dear B. Scott,
I just finished reading your last column ‘My Best Friend is Getting Fat’ and I love what you said to that Love Muffin. I’m writing because I think I’m in the same situation…but I’m the fat friend.
I’ve gained some weight over the last year after getting fired from my job. I didn’t even realize it until I cleaned my closet and realized I had no clothes that fit anymore. My best friend Trish hasn’t said anything, but I catch her acting funny sometimes. Like she doesn’t want to ever go out with me [anymore] and I think because she’s embarrassed. I know she wants to say something, I don’t know what but I know she does. Should I say something to her or wait until she gets courage enough to speak her true feelings. I feel like I have a fake friend.
Help me B. Scott!
Dear Love Muffin,
My number one rule when it comes to dealing with friends and awkward situations is: BE HONEST.
You’re probably right in your assumptions and your friend probably does want to address your weight. If it’s something you’ve accepted and you think you’d be comfortable talking about it, then take control of this situation and initiate the conversation.
There’s no need in spending endless days tiptoeing around the obvious which can eventually lead to resentment on both sides and create an unnecessary rift in an otherwise great friendship.
If tackling the issue dead on is too difficult for you right now, then maybe ease into it by showing your friend that you’re trying to take the necessary steps to get your weight gain under control. Invite her to workout with you — maybe you two could take a pilates class or find an engaging physical activity. If you want to go to lunch or dinner, throw out suggestions for healthier eating options. Hopefully that helps start the dialogue on what’s really going on. And a good friend won’t be embarrassed by you no matter what you weigh. If that’s her issue, then she’s not a friend at all.
When dealing with people you care about, it’s hard bringing up difficult subjects in fear of alienating or angering someone whose love and support you cherish…so don’t be too hard on her. She more than likely isn’t being fake, probably just cautious and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regret can last for a lifetime.
Love,
B. Scott
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