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Ask B. Scott: ‘I’m Tired of Competing in Our Relationship’

Dear B. Scott,

I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two years and I feel like we’re in competition with each other and I don’t like it. How do I talk to him?

Dear love muffin,

A little jovial competition between partners can be healthy — especially if it motivates you to further develop your own skills and accomplish certain goals. 

With that said, one of the most important things to keep in mind about being in a relationship is that you are a unit. When competition goes too far, it’s almost as if your right leg starts to compete with your left leg — but you need both of them to walk! 

Be careful not to get so lost in the pursuit of ‘winning’ that you lose sight of what’s most important. There’s a fine line between being competitive and letting your ego get the best of you.

In my first relationship, my partner and I would ‘flip’ houses together. When we first started, we would take different areas to design and attempt to ‘outdo’ each other. Even though during the process we both acquired new skills and individually got better at what we did, the overall result suffered due to the fact that the house as a whole wasn’t cohesive. Our competition actually hindered our performance together.

If you don’t like the feeling of constantly being in competition with your boyfriend, let him know. If he’s a naturally competitive person, he might need a bit of a reminder that you’re working on building a life based on winning together, not against each other. 

Love,
B. Scott

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