Dear B. Scott,
It’s not that complicated I know, but I only found out two days ago and its racking my nerves…
Apparently, one of the female “friends” my boyfriend associates and sometimes hangs out with in a group is also a girl he had a sexual encounter with late 2011…
We’ve only been together for 8 months but after finding this out I feel strange/weird knowing that this chick…who I have to look at…has been with him before me..I might be overreacting about this but in my past experiences…situations like this do not really end well..
The girl has a boyfriend whom she got with about 2 months after their sexual encounter and my boyfriend calls me the love of his life and assures me that he would do nothing to jeopardize our relationship…but I’m worried about seeing them be too friendly with each other and me getting jealous.
What do I do?
Dear love muffin,
The older I get, the more I realize that life has a funny way of serving us up uncomfortable situations. You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it. Would I prefer to interact with someone who slept with one of my exes? No. Have I been forced to in the past? Yes. You know what I had to do? I had to tell myself, “If I’m secure in my relationship, that doesn’t matter.”
We all have a past, which includes sexual encounters, exes and God knows what else. Sometimes certain things are thrown in our face and we have to suck it up and not let it bother us.
This is going to be a difficult situation, not because your relationship is in jeopardy or anything, but because having to deal with feelings of jealousy is a difficult task.
The first step is to let your boyfriend know exactly how you feel. He might not want to make you feel uncomfortable at all and voluntarily stop associating with this ‘friend’.
If they do continue to associate then you have to prepare yourself mentally for how you’re going to deal with it. There’s a strong possibility that you will see them get too friendly together (in your mind) and you will get jealous. The best thing to do is, if you feel some kind of way, share that with your boyfriend. Don’t hold your feelings in because from my experience they’ll start to fester you more and more until one day you explode.
You’re not going to like everything you have to deal with in life, welcome to being an adult.
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