“In my dark places I’ve worried that I was going to become the stereotype that everybody thinks every young artist becomes,” Eilish told Vogue.
Billie Eilish says “the internet is such a stupid-ass mess right now.”
In an interview for the March cover of Vogue, the 18-year-old weighed in on the scrutiny her friendship with Drake received last fall.
“Everybody’s so sensitive. A grown man can’t be a fan of an artist?” she told the publication. “There are so many people that the internet should be more worried about. Like, you’re really going to say that Drake is creepy because he’s a fan of mine, and then you’re going to go vote for Trump? What the f–k is that shit?”
Meanwhile, the singer, who quit Twitter in 2018, also expressed how she can understand pop stars who have been “disfigured” by fame.
“As a fan growing up, I was always like, ‘What the f–k is wrong with them?” Eilish recalled. “All the scandals. The Britney moment. You grow up thinking they’re pretty and they’re skinny; why would they f–k it up? But the bigger I get, the more I’m like, ‘Oh, my God, of course they had to do that.'”
“In my dark places I’ve worried that I was going to become the stereotype that everybody thinks every young artist becomes, because how can they not?” she added. “Last year, when I was at my lowest point during the tour in Europe, I was worried I was going to have a breakdown and shave my head.”
Eilish spoke about how her depression was connected to a series of events in her early adolescence, including a dance injury and being treated poorly in a romantic relationship. However, it was self-image that she ultimately struggled with.
“I just hated my body. I would have done anything to be in a different one,” she explained. “I really wanted to be a model, really bad, and I was chubby and short. I developed really early. I had boobs at nine. I got my period at 11. So my body was going faster than my brain. It’s funny, because when you’re a little kid, you don’t think of your body at all. And all of a sudden, you look down and you’re, like, ‘whoa. What can I do to make this go away?'”
The “Bad Guy” singer then engaged in some “self-injurious behavior” and became suicidal. Though Vogue noted she wouldn’t elaborate more, Eilish has previously opened up about the dark point in her life.
“I was so unhappy last year. I was so unhappy. And I was so, like, joyless,” she said on “The Gayle King Grammy Special” last month. “I don’t wanna be too dark, but I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”
“I think about this one time I was in Berlin, and I was alone in my hotel. And I remember there was like a window right there,” she explained. “And I like, God, I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was gonna die was [that] I was gonna do it.”
Luckily, by June of last year, things started to get better for the singer. “When people ask me what I’d say to somebody looking for advice on mental health, the only thing I can say is patience,” Eilish added to Vogue. “I had patience with myself. I didn’t take that last step. I waited. Things fade.”
Vogue’s March 2020 issue hits newsstands in NY/LA Feb. 11 and nationwide Feb. 18.