Spoiler Alert: Here was my take on last night’s MTV Movie Awards! Don’t worry if you missed it…You know MTV replays these things over and over again.
1. Sarah Silverman Rips Paris A New One
No one was more shocked than me to see Paris front and center of MTV Movie Awards with her jail sentence starting in a matter of hours. Sarah Silverman started off the show by giving Paris a hefty dose of her brash humor. She started the joke by saying, “In a couple of days, Paris Hilton is going to jail“. This simple statement was met with a thunderous applause from the audience. I’m not a genius but I don’t think that was quite the response Paris was hoping for. Then Sarah said this:
“The judge says that it’s going to be a no-frills thing and that is ridiculous. She is totally going to get special treatment. As a matter of fact, I heard that to make her feel more comfortable in prison, the guards are going to paint the bars to look like penises. I think it’s wrong, too. I just worry that she’s going to break her teeth on those things.”
Then the producers cut to Paris in the audience who looked super duper pissed-off. I kinda felt uncomfortable watching the joke take place, and I don’t even like Paris Hilton.
2. How Drunk Was Jack Nicholson?
I could not understand a word this man said when he went to accept his award for Best Villian. I know he’s getting a little up there in age and may have trouble with simple tasks like talking, but this man was clearly Sippin on the Sauce! Dane Cook came out minutes later and confirmed my suspicion when he said, “How s#!tfaced was Jack Nicholson? I love this!” Could an anti-semitic rant and a stint in rehab be in Jack’s near future…I guess we’ll have to see!
3. Homosexual Overtones!
First we got to see Will Ferrell and Sasha Baron Cohen engage in a lengthy kiss that involved the two rolling around on the floor and grabbing each others asses. Why couldn’t we get Chris Evans or Gerard Butler to engage in some of that man-on-man action?
The show also had something to offer for the straight boys watching. They got to indulge themselves by watching Jessica Biel and Sarah Silverman get dangerously close to a liplock. I just love it when the straights go gay!
4. The Performances: Rihanna and Amy Winehouse
Rihanna: With help from Jay-Z and tons of pyrotechnics, Rihanna performed her #1 hit, “Umbrella”. She looked great, she sounded good, but her performance was only OK for me!
Amy Winehouse: With a beehive of epic proportions and a stick-thin body that could be blown away with a light breeze, Amy Winehouse delivered a performance that I can only describe as “odd”.
THE 
