Jail Paris Ho-ton, save the world! The LAPD pulled over the heiress for speeding and driving without her headlights on only to find that her license had been suspended since last year’s DUI. That Bentley was QUICKLY towed, and poor P had to hide out in The Standard has the paparazzi flashed away! This is a comedy show to me because this chick could go to the CLINKER! OK, well, we all know that she will most likely never end up in jail, but I hope she’s honestly used as an example similar to Brandy and Lane Garrison. Same goes for her friend Nicole Richie!

No your eyes are not deceiving you. That is freshly Nip-Tucked Courtney Love. Can you believe this druggy brought her daughter, Francis Bean, with her to the party? She needs to keep that child as far away from Paris as she can! Of course her on-again/off-again boyfriend Stavros Niarchos was there. Nicole Richie and her boyfriend Joel Madden also made an appearance. And to top off the night Pill Poppin’ Paula Abdul showed up, stumbling and mumbling her way through the party I’m sure.

Paris Hilton celebrated her 26th birthday yesterday in Las Vegas at the Body English inside the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino! She was epitome of SOPHISTICATION. I’m just kidding that bitch is like school on Saturday…NO CLASS. Her sister Nicky made her presence known, as did the greasy pig Brandon Davis, Jamie Foxx, and producer Scott Storch. The highlight of the night was Ludacris’ birthday performance.

In this picture Paris seems to be saying, “I wish I wasn’t such an ANOREXIC HERPES INFESTED SCARE CROW!” It still amazes me that this heifer would show her face after what we reported previously, but she surely showed out for this impromptu birthday photo shoot.

2007 Sony/BMG GRAMMY After Party

Am I the only one that has noticed Paris looking EXTREMELY SAD lately?

Verizon Wireless / Rolling Stone Pre-GRAMMY Party – Arrivals

PSA: Having Herpes in your left eye isn’t fun!

Audi Presents Gianni and Donatella Versace Receive Rodeo Drive Walk Of Style Award

Jennifer Lopez always gets it right! She’s simply the most SPLENDIFEROUS fashion savvy goddess on the face of the earth. In the mist of all these stunning women with amazing gowns, Jennifer destroyed the competition! J.Lo just has a higher starting point (natural beauty) than all the rest!

CLEOPATRA! CLEOPATRA! LONG LIVE CLEOPATRA! Naomi Campbell after all these years still is letting the girls have it, on and off the runway! Now that’s a SUPERMODEL and don’t you ever forget it!

Penelope Cruz shows off her AMPLE backside in this amazing number! She looks so delicate to me, be careful you might break her.

Sharon Stone might be OLDER THAN JESUS but she’s still giving it to me! Love the hair!

Paris Hilton dared to show her GUTTER-BUTT face looking like a gold wrapped CHRISTMAS PRESENT!

“ANNA NICOLE HERE I COME!” (I know I’m wrong but so right!)

Paris & Nicole leaving Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills.

I can’t for the life of me decide between Nicole & Paris which one is the most BUSTED! WTF is Nicole wearing it looks like a blue table cloth from the 60’s! Paris obviously is interviewing to become 2007’s H.A.M of the year. Paris, who doesn’t look too happy in this picture, just filed a lawsuit to recover personal items, including risqué videos, that have been displayed on pay-per-month Web site Parisexposed.com for the past week.