Dear B. Scott,
My best friend is beautiful. That type of ethnic beauty that makes men and women of all races do double takes on the street.
I, in comparison, am rather average. I refrain from comparing myself to her, and have been able to thrive on my own personal and professional path. I recognize that the two of us are great in different ways. It usually doesn’t even come up, since we live in different states and attended different colleges.
My boyfriend, however, is still marveling. He jokes every so often that he’s looking at her over social media and whatnot. He acknowledges that she’s one of the most beautiful women he’s ever met, but that they wouldn’t be romantically compatible anyway. The joke has come up several times, which I usually counter by joking about one of his fine friends (and boy, does he have a lot of them).
But is it wrong that this bothers me? I know without a doubt in my heart that this man loves me, and is just joking around. He’s made enormous sacrifices for me, and proved that he’s around for the long haul. I don’t want to bring my insecurities into the relationship by telling him that he’s poking a sore spot that’s been lingering for almost a decade!
Dear love muffin,
Being honest with yourself about your feelings is never wrong. Acknowledging is always the first step to resolution.
Let’s just keep it real — there are extremely beautiful people in this world. However, beauty is subjective and we have to work on valuing our own unique beauty without comparing it so heavily to others.
It’s easier said than done, but you have to get to a point where you’re fully confident in who you are and your self-image. While I agree that it’s never good to bring insecurities into a relationship, they still need to be addressed.
You may not realize it, but when you deemed yourself as “average,” you valued your girlfriend’s beauty over your own — and that’s part of the issue. Stop comparing yourself! Appreciate your beauty and allow it to flourish independently.
While you’re working on that, if you don’t want your boyfriend making jokes about this particular issue then I suggest you stop with the counter-joking. It only encourages his behavior.
Too often in relationship we get caught up in little things which tend to distract us from what’s most important. You said yourself that your boyfriend ‘without a doubt in your heart’ loves you and has made ‘enormous sacrifices’ to prove that he’s going to be around…and that is what truly matters.
Submit your questions now: firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to tweet me @lovebscott with the hashtag #AskBScott