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Ask B. Scott: ‘My Man Needs to Grow Up!’

I want to start off by saying I absolutely love my boyfriend. We are both 23 and have been going strong for 4 years. We’ve had our hiccups, but we always seem to work through them. My problem: when it comes to applying himself, he doesn’t try as much as I believe a man should. He was offered an amazing position recently, had actually started the training and was only a week away from completion when he just quit! He’s opting to take a chance on another position he wasn’t promised instead, one about which he’s severely lacking information. We’ve been arguing to the point where my head hurts, because I don’t understand how he thinks sometimes. He tends to be very lazy when it comes to taking care of things that will benefit him in the long run, and gets really defensive when I talk to him about it. He always says I don’t care, but I’m just concerned about the path he’s taking in life. He is a really great person, but how can I continue to go on if I feel like he won’t step up and handle responsibility when the time comes? How can I depend on a man who isn’t ready to grow up and take care of his business?

Okay love muffin, let’s not get ahead of yourself here. You mentioned that you both were 23. At that age, it is reasonable for people to still be learning about themselves and to be exploring various career options.

In what you wrote, I heard a lot of what you want and what you need and what he should be doing. Have you ever thought about what’s best for him? It sounds like he’s still trying to figure some things out. Instead of putting pressure on him to move in a particular direction, you should encourage him to pursue his interests and potentially find his passion. I’m not surprised that you don’t understand how he thinks sometimes, because truth be told, he probably doesn’t quite understand it himself just yet.

It’s not unreasonable for him to be evaluating his life course. Just because he’s not where you think he needs to be, doesn’t mean he’s not the ideal man for you. Maybe once he finds something that truly interests him, he will apply himself as you believe a man should.
What you don’t want is for him to make a decision that he isn’t ready to make under your guidance and then later resent you for it.

We almost always see only what’s wrong with other people, and never what’s wrong with us. I believe that if you truly love him, you will support him where he’s at in this point in his life.

Love,

B. Scott

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