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Ask B. Scott: ‘My Friend’s New Friend is Toxic!’

Dear B. Scott:

I am a loyal fan that has been down with you since the Shemar Moore “Ding Ding” video!…I love your perspective and your videos. Listen, I am having a bit of an issue with one of my best friends—we’ll call her “Erica.” She’s pregnant and I was told this by our mutual friend”Renee,” who is also her roommate. Erica and I have known Renee for a little over a year now; in that time, the two of them have grown closer, slowly shutting me out and sometimes making my company feel unwelcome.

This whole year has been nothing but drama and Renee has been at the epicenter. Whether it’s withholding damaging info like Erica’s boyfriend getting someone ELSE pregnant, her own boyfriend drama, or just her not getting along with several of our other friends, there is always something brewing! It’s like she wants Erica all to herself and she goes out of her way to make her feel like other friends aren’t as good as she is.

About a month ago, Renee tells me that Erica’s boyfriend made a pass at her and she didn’t tell her about it. If she’s such a good friend and her “ride or die,” why wouldn’t she tell Erica? I let 2 weeks go by before I told Erica what Renee told me. I didn’t want it to come back later and for her to find out that I knew but didn’t say anything. Also, I just wanted Erica to know what kind of people she was dealing with…I didn’t do this to be malicious in anyway.

So naturally, it got back to Renee and she calls me up going off and tells me that she does not want to continue our friendship because I am a “mess starter.”Now I feel like there is a stain on my friendship with Erica. They’re still hanging on to each other like nothing happened and once again, I’m shut out. I could honestly care less about the relationship between the two of them, but I am sad that my friendship with Erica has been compromised. I am so ready to give up this drama, but I REALLY don’t know what to do. Please help!

Dear love muffin,

You were right not to withhold information from your friend.

Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t quite see things happening in front of them until it’s too late — or until someone takes the initiative and points things out to them.

I know things are rocky now, but have you considered sitting down with Erica and sharing your feelings about everything that’s going on? It’s a delicate conversation to have — mainly because you have to explain your point of view in a way that doesn’t come across as being a ‘hater’. Instead of framing the conversation around the negative things she has done, frame the conversation around how you feel as a result of what she’s done.

Also, make sure you firmly stand 100% behind whatever you say or any accusations you may make. If ‘Renee’ is the type of girl you say she is, trust and believe she’s going to deny everything, find some way to portray herself as the victim, and attempt to discredit your character.

Hopefully it doesn’t come to this, but sometimes when you’re witnessing an unhealthy relationship — whether it be a friendship or something more intimate — and you’ve done everything you can to help…you just have to distance yourself.

You already recognize the fact that their friendship is causing you to feel insecure, and there’s no reason these girls should ever make you feel that way.

We have three types of friends in life: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime. Only time will tell what type of friend Erica will be.

Love,

B. Scott

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