Dear B. Scott,
My friends hate each other and it’s putting me in a really awkward situation. I don’t know exactly what led to the ongoing argument they’re having, but it’s starting to become really hard to continue friendship with one of them.
Every time we’re together, she trashes my other friend and says really negative things about her. It makes me uncomfortable. At this point I don’t know what to do but I feel that she’s totally wrong.
I know she’s a good person and we have great time together, but I don’t want the issues she’s having with the other friend to be the end of our friendship…and I’m afraid that if I say something that it might because she’s so incredibly serious about how she feels and her thoughts on the situation.
I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut, but I feel guilty and I don’t know if it’s something I can do much longer. Help!
Dear love muffin,
Having feuding friends is always difficult, but hopefully you can assist them in their journey towards a resolution.
As adults, if your friends have brought you into a situation that they have with each other, then you should hear them out and give your thoughts on the situation.
A true friend would respect what you have to say because ultimately they know you have what’s best for them at heart.
You can’t act oblivious to what’s happening for fear of losing friends. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong and more times than not, there’s an in between. If you truly feel that one party is wrong, make it known. If you feel the entire situation is petty, say that.
You need to be honest with them so that they can grow as people. You’re not helping your friends by sheltering them from the truth of the situation. But also keep in mind, that if you choose to continue to interact with the friend who’s the wrongdoer without resolution, you could jeopardize your friendship with the other friend…and rightfully so.
Depending upon the closeness of the friendships, it’s your duty to try to get them to resolve the situation if you want to continue to interact with both them. Because otherwise they’re going to continually put you in the middle and make you feel uncomfortable.
The moral of the story is that real friends should have the ability to communicate with each other in truth and love.
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