Dear B. Scott,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I have a problem. I feel like my best friend is always trying to compete with me and I don’t know how to stop her.
We’ve always been close, but now it seems like she’s morphing into my twin. I went and got extensions, she went and got extensions. I took up kickboxing, she signed up for lessons at a different gym. I decided to start juicing, the next thing I know she’s on Instagram talking about her juicing routine — which I know she didn’t start until AFTER I started.
To make matters worse, she’s always following the same people on social media and liking the same photos. I know we’re close friends and she probably doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s starting to drive me CRAZY.
How do I tell her how I feel without making her feel bad?
Dear love muffin,
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but trust me…I know how annoying it can be.
There’s nothing wrong with a little competition between friends. In fact, as long as it’s mutual and acknowledged it can be healthy. Friendly competition can inspire and encourage you to do more and try different things.
At this point, the first thing to do is to have a heart to heart with your friend. Tell her exactly how you feel and give her the opportunity to take ownership of her habits. You never know, she might be competing with you or you may inspire her and she simply wants to be like you.
The conversation you two have should be an open forum for you both to get a better understanding of each other. Instead of making it a conversation about how much you dislike her taking on your interests, maybe you can help her identify things that would help her tap into her own uniqueness.
After the conversation, I would also make it a point to try and keep some things more private. If you decide to change your hair or take on a new hobby, take some time to enjoy it for yourself before you decide to go public and possibly “inspire” your friend to do the same.
Approach her with love and I’m sure you will get the clarity you need.
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