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Ask B. Scott: ‘Love Him or Leave Him Alone?’

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Dear B. Scott,

Watching Chris Brown and Rihanna’s relationship run its’ course, I can’t help but be reminded of my current personal situation.

My boyfriend and I are broken up, but we can’t seem to stay away from each other. He’s involved with another girl, but I truly believe he’s the love of my life as I’m his. We text, talk on the phone, go out, and occasionally get intimate. My family hates him because of a minor domestic abuse situation last year, so they aren’t supportive of us communicating at all even though I’ve moved past it.

I love him so much and I want us to work out, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to lose out on the love of my life either. I know I shouldn’t care what people think, but it’s hard when you constantly feel judged for loving the wrong person.

Do you think I should try harder to move on? I don’t want to.

Dear love muffin,

Goodness, let’s jump into this touchy situation! First of all, Chris Brown and Rihanna’s relationship is unique, as is everyone else’s and you can’t look to those two to find your answers. You must take the appropriate steps to discover what your heart is telling you and if you want to listen.
You must do your own spiritual work and be able to find a place of growth and maturity. It’s natural to have feelings for an ex and reconciliation is possible, it just takes time.

You mentioned that Chris Brown and Rihanna’s relationship reminds you of yours, if by that you mean domestic violence occurred at some point during the relationship, then you both are in need of extensive therapy. Therapy is often times looked down upon and that’s an unfortunate stigma that must change. The truth is, professional help is sometimes necessary to maintain your mental health and relationships.

Also, you must be aware of the saying that ‘if a man hits you once, he’ll hit you again’ but I don’t believe that is always the case; with therapy and the help of God I truly believe that all things are possible. However, if an abuser has not committed to changing his ways, the only outcome will be more abuse. With that being said, if you choose to proceed with your relationship, I would suggest you proceed with extreme caution. Make sure you really want him to be in your life for the right reasons and not just because you are afraid of being alone. It’s easy to become attached to someone simply because you’re used to them.

Just because you miss someone, does not mean you need them back, missing is just a part of moving on.

Love,
B. Scott

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