Dear B. Scott:
Here is my problem: I just might hate my best friend. I know, I know—sounds crazy, rigtht? When things are good between us, our friendship is amazing. We talk to each other all day, everyday. We both have strong personalities and, thus, we know that we can and need to take breaks from each other from time to time as to not get on each others’ nerves. When I need a little space, I will go a day without talking to her, maybe because I am busy with work or studying for the GRE. But when she wants some time apart, it means not talking to me for the next 3-4 weeks, after which she acts like nothing ever happened.
I have told her when she disappears like this, it hurts me and I get worried if she’s okay (because I know she doesn’t have anyone else that she can talk to or rely on). I feel desperate, like I am begging for her friendship. But this pushing and pulling is making me crazy! What do I do?
Dear love muffin,
Now, now. “Hate” is a strong word that should never be associated with someone you love and consider your best friend. I know you don’t honestly feel that way but if you truly do, then there’s a simple solution…you need to remove her from your life.
One thing that I’ve learned is that no matter how close two people can be, you can never truly know what issues a person is dealing with internally. You can’t change how a person acts, but you can choose how you deal with those actions. Since you’ve already expressed to her how you feel about her actions, you really only have one choice to make. You can either accept her obvious character flaws and deal with how she treats you, or you can distance yourself from her until seeks the help she needs to change her behavior.
You’re studying for the GRE, one of the most important tests of your life…the last thing you need is to be stressing out over an inconsistent friendship.
As time goes on, friendships do change and life goes on. Over time, little things that may seem small can change the landscape of a friendship forever.
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