THE 
October 12, 2009 Ask B. Scott – I Need a Few Words of Encouragement
Dear Supreme Love Muffin,
I follow you on Twitter and you’ve always put a smile on my face in everything you do. And I need a few words of encouragement now, more than ever. I’ve always given my mom no respect because she chooses drugs over her kids and lost us in a custody battle -me and my 3 younger brothers- due to heavy drug abuse. And I love her so much but I’ve never showed her cause I wanted her to hurt as we were hurting. But earlier this week, she came to me and informed me that she he has less than a month to live. I’m so hurt my heart is so heavy. What advice do you have for me?
My dear, dear Love Muffin,
First off, my prayers go out to you, your siblings and family members that are affected by your mother’s prognosis. I’m hurt and my heart is heavy from reading your letter. This is very difficult for me, but I could not let this letter go unaddressed. I’m not so sure what I can say to help, but I’ll try.
See Love, as we grow older, we tend to gain clarity with reflection. One thing I’ve come to understand is, as children, we place our parents on a pedestal as if they’re sub-human superheroes. And the truth is, they’re humans with flaws, weaknesses and deep-seeded issues that propel self-destructive behavior. Addiction is one of the most horrific diseases that plagues so many families and unfortunately, you and your brothers have suffered from the effects of it. Of course, you and your siblings didn’t ask for this kind of life, nor do you deserve it, but it’s your reality to overcome. And God has blessed you with this window of time to heal and show your mother you love her. I want you to start by wrapping your arms around her and holding her, sometimes words only degrade the feeling, just hold her. She needs to know you love her and at this point, her drug abuse is a non-issue. Your mother needs you now more than ever, LoveMuffin.
You said that you want her to hurt the way that you have, but trust me, the pain a mother feels behind neglecting her children cuts so deep in a way that words cannot articulate. So I want you to think about how many people never got the chance to say, “Mom, I love you so much,” and be thankful it doesn’t have to be you. You don’t want to live the rest of your life wondering if she knew how much you loved and adored her. Anger and resentment is so unhealthy to harbor so remember the good times, her smile and her laugh. Really take this time with her to heal yourself and brothers and allow yourselves to FEEL that love. Make peace with your mother so she can make a peaceful transition. God will only bless you for honoring her in this extremely difficult time. And please remember that He will never give you more than you can handle. So walk in the light and love your mother, love muffin … love her because she loves her boys more than you all could ever know regardless of her flaws.
I’m sending my love and prayers to you and your family, and anyone who reads this please do the same. Triple hugs and double kisses.
-Love,
B. Scott
Aristocratic.
October 12, 2009 at 11:55 am
I pray for you fellow muffin and ave been in similiar shoes. Let her know how you feel, forgive each other, and let her rest in peace and you as well. Do not have regrets after she is gone, tell her how much you lover her.
Akili
October 12, 2009 at 12:16 pm
B. Scott,
Your words ring so true that I almost cried readiing them. Your advice was on point and there is no way he/she will not be helped by your words! Excellent!
Lexington
October 12, 2009 at 1:37 pm
This is powerful!
cHaZY
October 12, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Thank you for beeing there for your Love Muffins and my prayers are with each of you. I am so blessed to have a good mother but still there is always something wrong
Thank you!
dain-daingerous
October 13, 2009 at 2:04 am
as usual, u are right on time.
these words are wonderful.
SHEENA
October 13, 2009 at 11:50 am
WOW THAT LETTER IS DEEP AND I BELEIVE THAT YOU GAVE HER THE BEST ADVICE. MY PRAYERS WILL GO OUT TO YOU AND YOUR MOTHER. YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH SOMEONE MEANS TO YOU UNTIL THEY ARE GONE AND I HOPE AND PRAY FOR A MIRACLE THAT YOU CAN HAVE YOUR MOTHER HERE ON THIS EARTH MUCH LONGER. I HOPE THAT YOU GUYS CAN MEND YOUR RELATIONSHIP, GO TO A PLAY, GO SHOPPING, OR JUST HAVE A PICNIC AND TALK WITHOUT NEGATIVITY. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Autumn
October 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm
B. Scott I want you to flip sides… You have hurt someone, but you never really wanted to make them suffer you were just trying to figure out the best way to live your life. Now your life is coming to and end all you have is one month. Would you prefer to live that last month with hate and hurt feelings or say “I know I did not do right by you, but I have one month to make an impact.”
You do not have control over what people do to you, but You do have control over how you react and/or treat them.
Never let someones actions control how you react. You are in control of you… So will close her life with class? or will you just close the door. Once she is gone you will have to live with your choice. She will be gone.
Trice
October 15, 2009 at 4:36 pm
This is excellent advice B. This young person needs to step back and remember that their parent is not perfect. As someone who was in the situation of dealing with a parent who was a drug addict it is not easy. But how long can you keep that hurt inside of you? All that pain does is eat you up, spit you out for a never ending cycle until you are ready to forgive. It is so much easier to forgive than to hold onto that anger.
I hope that this young person has decided to take the higher road and enjoy those last moments of time with their mother. Because as you said B, there are those who cry and wail over not having the opportunity to say that last “I love you” to their parents.
Open your hearts and free yourself.
Will
October 15, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I think that was great advice i myself have had close family members deal with this problem of drugs. Its hard to let go of your hate when you see them or hard to let go when your trying to say how you feel. But just think when they are gone and than you make the choice to let go you will truly feel as if nothing was accomplished. You took a great step in asking for help and i applaud that but now take a step and talk to your mom in words she would never expect ..let her know though the pain is there you have love over it all. I and many many others understand how you feel and wish we can change the pain but like myself we had to deal and make something great out of nothing at all. Love her..show her that your greater than those drugs and give her what she couldn’t get …
Lissette
October 23, 2009 at 4:45 am
My prayers go out to you and ur family. B.Scott your words were beautiful and heartfelt…you couldn’t of said things more perfectly….thanks u for always sharing ur thought with the rest of us…xoxoxox