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June 22, 2009 Ask B. Scott- Should I pursue a guy who only flirts with me if no one else is around?
Love muffins, below you will find this week’s Ask B. Scott with the answer exclusively featured on HoneyMag.com. Enjoy, and please share your thoughts!
Hey B.
What should I DO? Here’s the story.
Ok when I first started my job in Nov., there was a worker there that caught my eye. That’s all he did, I thought he was cute. I didn’t think anything else of it. As the months flew by I found the 2 of us doing a lot of flirting with each other. I remember his first comment towards me. He said “your hair looks nice, it looks good on you.” I was like thank you. Then he went on and on about his hair and how it grows and started talking about his facial hair and stuff. Another time he was bringing things from the store’s big warehouse into my department’s warehouse and he was like “hey wassup baby?” Of course I blushed and smiled. So during those times I was asking myself…”is he? is isn’t he?” Does he mess around? But I never got my answer. Shortly after that, we all found out a new store was opening and applied for it. He and I are now at the new store.
Since we’ve been at the new store, I’ve learned a little more about him. He has a girlfriend at home and a baby on the way. I see him more and have a lot more alone time with him. He’s been offering to treat me to lunch, wanting me to take my lunch with him, and gets upset if I took my lunch before him or if I’m about to leave. Then this one time I was going to the break room and he was coming from the warehouse with a dolly and he looked at the camera to see if it was on us (and it wasn’t) then he looked at me and blew me a kiss and smiled! I smiled, blushed and nodded at him. Then he went on to finish what he was doing. All that makes me wonder, is he flirting? Is he curious?
So a few days ago i believe i got my answer. I was on the train going to work that afternoon and surprisingly he was on the same train. (we never rode the train together) So when we got off the train we started chatting, and I asked him what’s for lunch and he said “what ever you’re buying.” Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend, I told him no, then he asked why, I said “cuz I’m not into girls.” He smiled and asked so what are you into little girls?” I laughed and said yes sarcastically. Then he looked at me and smiled. (HE’S SO CUTE & CHARMING) This is the part when I believe I got my answer about if he’s curious or not. So we we’re on the elevator together and he asked “are there cameras on here?” I said “no.” The he said “oh so I could’ve grabbed yo booty?” He looked at me and smiled and I was just smiling ear to ear, but he never grabbed it. Then he made another comment saying he’d feel sorry for me if I go to jail, and I was like why? Then he looked at my backside and smiled.
Then that same night, work was over and it was time for us to leave and he wanted me to wait for him cuz he wanted to ride the train together, so I did, and while we were on the train he made the “Suck D**k” gesture towards me and started smiling. He did that at least 3 times during our train ride. Then he was blowing me kisses on the train. So I now believe that he’s curious!
Now here’s the kicker….he only acts this way when he’s alone with me and no one else is around! When other co-workers are around, he hardly says stuff to me and he act extra different. Like yesterday, he was clocking out going on lunch and there were a few people in the room we were in, then we both left that room so I could check him out before he left the building, then he said softly “come down to the warehouse with me” and I was like for what the he smiled. Like 5 seconds after that I saw his eyes art behind me as if someone was standing there, and he was like “Do you need to go to the warehouse?” I was like no do you need help with something down there (all this time i didn’t know no one was behind me) Then he was like move your blocking the door. I turn around and there were 2 other ppl waiting to leave. So its like he started to talk to me in “that” way but then switched it up after he noticed the ppl was behind me. So he’s one of those kind, I believe he’s afraid of it, but wants to try it and doesn’t want anyone to know about it. And there we’re plenty of other times where he wouldn’t even look at me or say anything to me if a bunch of people are around.
Now my question to you BScott is, what should I do? Should I just broadly ask him if he’s curious and want to try something? Or should I leave that type alone? Cuz he keeps flirting with me and I’m finding myself more and more attracted to him. I like when he gives me that attention. He’s really cute, smells so good each day and night, even after he’s been down in the warehouse working hard! I’m even dreaming about this guy! I”m gonna try to get a picture of him next time I work with him. When I see him, I get butterflies and each time we see each other and our eyes meet, they stay connected until one of us has left the room. Its like I know he is curious, he has to be and I’m willing to give him a go if he wants me to. So what should I do B?
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Ms. Leia
June 22, 2009 at 5:12 pm
No! Do not pursue a guy who only flirts with you if no one else is around. If you do, just know that he will only love you when no one else is around too!
Drea
June 22, 2009 at 5:16 pm
ok B. Scott your advice was helpful but what about acknowledging the fact that this man has a GIRLFRIEND and CHILD at HOME. Hello!!! the person writing the letter should have stopped flirting when it was established that this man was taken, no matter the gender of the partner. thats the 1ST SIGNAL. Secondly do you want someone that’s goin be doing suspicious activities while in a relationship? And if he’s not comfortable in himself why would you want him?
Jezz
June 22, 2009 at 9:22 pm
I agree totally with Drea.
The writter should have stopped when he said he found out he has a pregnant girlfriend.
BP
June 22, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Hum….i think Whithney said it BEST…hell to the naw! if he is only focused on uou when no one is there he trying to make you a side show ho and he is not worthy of your or your time…As Oprah has said many times on her show, “people show you who they are when you 1st meet them! Watch and Listen”….it’s not right to be a back burner person for anyone EVER.
Jessica
June 22, 2009 at 11:29 pm
I also agree with Drea, if you know he has a girlfriend and baby on the way, don’t contribute to the “down low” syndrome. If he is truly curious then he should let his girlfriend know and become a free agent. The home is definitely not happy (or happy under false pretenses) if he is flirting with you and making sexually overt gestures to you. The fact that he only does it when no one is around and treats you like you’re a nobody or doesn’t even acknowledge you when someone IS around should have answered your question for you. Leave that man alone and find someone who’s not ashamed to be with you openly and privately. If he decides to become a free agent THEN consider the advice given, but karma is a bitch and if he’s not being honest with his girlfriend and mother of his child, guess what…
Teeyah23
June 23, 2009 at 12:48 am
I advice this young lady to leave this man alone and walk away from the situation. Like the others have commented he has a gf and baby on the way that’s a NO NO.
Teeyah23
June 23, 2009 at 12:52 am
I am so sorry I mean this young gentleman sorry for the misuderstanding.
Spicy Goddess
June 23, 2009 at 1:59 am
WAIT WAIT WAIT…………….. if u have to tell someone NOT to pursue someone WHEN they are ONLY flirting with u when NO ONE ELSE is around…. then u is just as STUPID as they come. SMGDH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hayley
June 23, 2009 at 4:40 am
B your advice is so wrong. You suffer from what alot of gay people suffer from which is you think everyone has to be put in a catergory. Its possible for a straight guy to flirt with a dude and even to get with a dude sexually and still remain straight some guys will screw a dude but not be attracted to guys at all they just be getting theirs. This guy probably ain’t gon’be turning gay he probably just wants a fuck.
mDavis
June 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Hayley, come up off that crack baby…it’s not safe. If a dude is flirting with a dude or getting with a dude…that means he’s attracted to dudes. You think dicks get hard all by themselves? Damn. Hayley gets the prize for most ridiculous statement of the day.
Are you that far removed from reality that you think men just will F anything that moves and it doesnt mean anything? Do you know what makes a dick hard? ATTRACTION!
Hayley has to either be a DL dude or a clueless woman who’s man sleeps around with dudes and finds it acceptable…Sham.fukcing.WOW!!!!
TeneW
June 23, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Hayley I gotta disagree with you on that.
A man who is attracted to any one man for whatever reason is, at the VERY LEAST, bisexual. Technically, the only thing required of the label of homosexual or bisexual is a sexual attraction to the same sex. They never even have to act on it, they just have to want it. PERIOD.
Elle.Ghee
June 23, 2009 at 6:21 pm
I am young black gay man and PROUD TO BE ONE! But my advice to this young man would be DO NOT PERSUE THIS RELATIONSHIP. It honestly saddens me because unfortunatly men that are “Curious”, in the “Early Stages” or just plain on the “DownLow”
1) DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE
2) WILL PLAY THE HELL OUT OF YOUR EMOTIONS
3)JUST WANT THE BEST OF BOTH WORLD…
unfortunatly as well….this has become such a standard for gay men and men that are seriously BISEXUAL. its sad because SOME gay men accept this type of two faced behavior. It become what is expected. Im 20 years old, I dress like a metrosexual man, I take pride in my appearance and I have straight men trying to talk to me all the time!!!!! BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS CUTE AND EXCEPTABLE AND GAY MEN EXCEPT THAT SHIT…I DO NOT, WILL NOT, WONT CONSIDER IT. You deserve to be with someone who wants you for exactly WHO YOU ARE…a gay man. and its nothing wrong with that. Please do not become another statistic of what people assume this lifestyle is about…which is most of the time is gays dealing with MESSY MEN. Your so much more than that…please do not become simply someones EXPERIANCE…it wont last. I almost went there until i realized I deserve more, and it doesnt matter what your SEXUAL PREFERANCE IS.
That is all for now…
Anonymous
June 24, 2009 at 5:44 am
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Anonymous
June 24, 2009 at 5:51 am
My friend and I were just talking about this kind of guy. We coined a term for them, we call them phaseouts. But before I go any deeper with that, I know how tempting it is to play these games at work, but the fact is, that man has a girlfriend AND a baby on the way AND he wont even really talk to you in public…nothing real could ever exist between you two. And if it does happen, he’ll prove to be nothing more than a phaseout. He’ll give you attention and maybe even hot passion for a few days or maybe even weeks. But eventually he’ll give you less and less. Like he’s getting tired of you. Soon after he’ll be giving you nothing, not even a smile when you two are alone. He plays you off like you were just a phase to him…the passion fades and dies out. And it leaves nothing but regret, bitterness, feelings of stupidity, and oh the hurt.
Please, just take my word for it, don’t do anything more with that guy. The playing is fine, but don’t be fooled. He’s nothing but a phaseout.
Minna 330
June 30, 2009 at 1:25 am
Really BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD Idea if he is flurting with you when noone is around. How do you know if you are the only one. He could be flurting with others too, men and women. May God help you if he has something else for you other then his baby mother. He probibly has an “STD.”
Lauren
July 9, 2009 at 7:46 am
I know someone in the same situation. But you know what, he is flirting with you on the job, but who does he go home to? Not you. His girl. It seems to me he wasn’t ready for a baby and now that the girl he’s with is changing, he’s trying to dip out of that relationship and use you as a crutch. He’s handsome and good looking, yeah that’s tough, but you got to be firm with him and not play into the flirting back. If you don’t stop responding, he will pursue and I see disaster in your future if you allow him to. Eventually, he will turn on you, especially when he has the kid…..
Diamond Princess
August 30, 2009 at 8:08 pm
The fact that he flirts (if indeed that is what he’s dong) when noone is around seems to say that he DOES NOT want anything getting back to his girlfriend; he’s just “trying” you to see your response. (Ego tripping). Ignore him! He’s just looking for a lil attention.