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June 8, 2009 Ask B. Scott: How do I get my ex back now that I have a baby by another man?
Love muffins, below you will find this week’s Ask B. Scott with the answer exclusively featured on HoneyMag.com. Enjoy, and please share your thoughts!
Dear B,
I was in a 6 year relationship with a wonderful man until it was ended because he went out of state for college…that was 2 years ago. I tried to get on with my life and try to get back into the dating scene when I met someone who woo’d me and wow’d me right into the bed only to leave me months later. I became pregnant with this guy’s kid and he basically bailed out on me…I’m getting to the point bare with me love
While I was in the hospital giving birth, my boyfriend for 6 years came to visit me and stayed by my side the majority of the night and when he left, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek…I SO didn’t want to let go… where as the baby’s daddy (father isn’t the term I want to use…shows too much respect) came to see the baby the day before discharge and was only there for an hour before coming up with some ” I need to go check on my mom” excuse. It hurt my feelings a bit because he’s lied to me before…now this.
My situation is, since the visit to the hospital, my old feelings for my ex is starting to resurface and I find myself looking at old high school photos and longing to get back together with him. I would love to pursue it, but I don’t want him to think I’m some desperate woman who wants him to play the role of the father figure for the moment. I know that right now, my main focus should be on my baby and not trying to satisfy my own needs (sorry for sounding selfish) Seeing the fact that It was he that broke up with me, I didn’t want to come to him but have him approach me (again, I didn’t want him to think I was desperate)…does that make sense?
Any advice would be appreciated
~J
Read my answer to J’s question now exclusively on HoneyMag.com. Love muffins continue racking your brains for those questions you’re dying to get advice on and submit your questions in our community under Ask B. Scott June Submissions.
Tay
June 8, 2009 at 1:42 pm
well…i would just talk to him…express your feeling just like you did here…i think the fact that u said “I don’t want him to think I’m some desperate woman who wants him to play the role of the father figure for the moment. I know that right now” is enough…because thats usually what some women do…they see that the man they had wasnt good, so they try to go back to the good one….but in this case i know that your not….so like i said…just go to him, express your feelings…obviously he has some type of feelings for you…=]
The quiet 1
June 8, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I really wish I could be the one 2 give you that “It Advice” that you so desperately deserve, but unfortunately I can’t, because I’m a in-house hermit, who’s currently going through some serious emotional issues of my own, but I just wanna address the part in your letter, where you said you were sounding selfish. Sweetheart, you are in no way, shape nor form selfish, you are human, and humans are in no way, shape nor form perfect. So please try not 2 be so hard on yourself, in time everything will be OK. I’ll be praying for you & your beatiful baby………..GOD BLESS!
DOB
June 8, 2009 at 2:30 pm
You gave her some great advice, B. Scott. I don’t think there’s anything more to say on the matter! Hopefully she takes heed.
iZeph
June 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Your advice was spot-on, B.
leelee
June 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I can actually sympathize with that situation being it’s kind of going on with me as well except he has the child and he left me. He wants to come back but being he has been gone for the last two years I have done nothing but get me and my son together and that’s all I care about right now. We are friend but we talked and we have an understanding. B.Scott is right though you have to worry about being a better self for your son and a man will come around one day when you least expect it.
Lauren
July 9, 2009 at 8:02 am
Yes, you made a big mistake sleeping with this guy! That’s so common nowadays. But you know what, it should not prevent you from going back to your ex. The only problem is the rivalry and jealousy between the men. When that baby gets older, and when you get older, the father is going to want to be around more, and he’s not going to like any strange man around his kid. I take it you’re young. Many young boys don’t commit right away. They “explore.” And the first girl that gives it, they take. So I encourage you to pursue your ex, but think about the consequences too. The heart is a treacherous thing and so is it’s desires. Also remember, your ex has changed in life from that high school boy you once knew. He stepped out into the world now, and people can change in 2 years….