Hi love muffins. Been a long time. I shouldn’t a left you…without a dope beat to step to. Speaking of stepping…

Today’s tip won’t really involve beauty products so get okay with us venturing outside of the bodega. However, today’s tip will save you lots of money this summer.

Summertime is all about wearing flip-flops. I wear them all summer long as actual shoes and by the time summer ends, my feet are so flat and fat that when it’s time to put a high heel back on I ought to be adamnshamed of myself. But whatever, comfort is key out here in this humidity.

When I went to Brazil in 2004, I discovered the Havaianas for myself. Organically. Not because some celebrity told me to wear them. They were four U.S. dollars in a little bodega that also sold fresh coconut milk. Every person in Brazil, natives and tourists, had on these flip flops. And I thought, “How are they still only charging $4 for this!”

I bought two pair. DUMB. Should’ve bought 20 but I wasn’t thinking. I was tipsy about 10 hours a day. You know how you space the drinks out on vacation when you’re young so you always have a cocktail in between adventures and then again at the adventure itself? And before you know it, you’re like, Wait. Hold up. I’ve had (pause, use both hands to count) this many drinks? Damn!

Anyway, sadly vacations end. I came home. Wore the flip flops all about. Loved them to pieces. Felt all superior and shit when someone asked, “Where’d you get yours?”

I’d reply “Brazil” and they’d say, “No I know they’re Brazilian flip flops. I’m saying where’d you get them?”

And I’d say, “I saaaaaid Brazil. Can’t you see my vacation glow? Hello!”

Two years pass. Bitches either broke (rightfully so with all the abuse they’d endured) or eroded on the bottom like I was rolling around powering a Fred Flinstone car with my own two feet. I wanted to re-up on my beloved Havaianas but when I looked around, I discovered they were now in the department stores for $30 or more with all kinds of designs and flowers and embellishments, no simple little Brazil flag. I said hell to the no. I love a flip flop but that is just ridiculous. I don’t care how awesome a flip flop is – no flip flop is worth no $30 and quite frankly that’s with or without rhinestones. Why do things embellished with sequins and rhinestones cost so much when sequins and rhinestones cost so little? And furthermore, what the hell you need sequins and rhinestones on a flip flop for? No, seriously. I’m asking. Have you seen the $200 Havaianas? I have to draw a line somewhere. That is insanity!

So I let that beloved “essential” go and started wearing some other no name flip flop that I hated because the black rubbed off on my feet and made them look dirty. Hate that.

Then I started rocking my complimentary pedicure flip flops. Wow. That’s deep. But I did. And I wore those fools out too.

Now, the other day I was up in the Old Navy while I was waiting for a table at P.F. Chang’s. Don’t worry, I left the little buzzer thing with my husband. I love being suburban. And don’t you know we were eating at 6 just like an old couple that rolls around in a burgundy Buick, yes we were.

Old Navy is now selling flip flops two for $5. But those aren’t the hotness. The real good flip flops are the metallic ones that are $5 each. They are separated from the regular matte booty flip flops.

The $5 metallic ones are adorable! The strap is thin. And the bottom is cushiony and rubbery just like a Havaiana, I thought. I snapped up a gold, a bronze and a green pair.

Two days later, I stepped in bubble gum. I did the whole find the nearest stick, pry it off, walk like a leprechaun that’s been shot grinding one foot on the concrete, switch to the patch of dirt and swish my foot back and forth thing. Finally, I had to just remove the whole shoe and inspect it to make sure all the gum was gone because there was a slight tackiness with every step that bugged.

I read the bottom of the shoe and that bitch said “Made in Brazil.” Don’t you know I about lost my mind?

I think the Old Navy metallic flip flops are made in the same damn factory the real brand name Havaianas are made. Think about it. Gap is a global brand. And so is Havainas. They probably got together and said Let’s do this. They don’t have to tell consumers what’s what. Ibuprofen is Aleve. Same shit, different packaging. I’m no fool. I’m going for that Ibuprofen.

I know that is a stupid “aha” moment and I should work on my spirituality if that was enough to move me to a higher place, but still! How could there possibly be 50 different flip flop factories in Brazil? Flip flops are like a staple good there, but come on! If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit! No, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck – well damn it, it’s a Havaiana. Even if only in my mind. I mean, I could be totally wrong. But whatever, a Brazilian flip flop is a Brazilian flip flop.

So go get the cheap metallic flip flop at Old Navy. I’m just saying.