At The Bodega With Mrs. Beck!

Love muffins, here is another fun filled read from the super duper splendiferous Melissa Beck!

Sometimes when I’m aimlessly shopping, I can make a decision based on packaging alone. My husband said that I’m every marketer’s dream because I am very much swayed by the sight and sound of a product. For example, I totally bought carpet from Empire because I believe the “eight hundred five eight eight two three hundred empiiiiire” song is, quite frankly, a well-written jingle. I like to sing along with the commercial like a freak. I’ll eat a gang of cheese just because it’s “crumb-elievable” which is so stupid, but that’s who I am. I have brand loyalty and if you can get me on the page and your product works, then I’m in for life.I’m a diehard Queen Helene fan and it all started with the packaging. There’s something really retro, power to the people, 70s about it. When I am at the CVS and I’m looking to solve all my ashy needs, I go straight to Queen Helene first. From pure cocoa butters in stick form (ooh, we have to discuss that) to the gigantic barrel of the lotion, I am so in based solely on the khaki box with the red stripe and the cursive “Queen Helene” across the top. Swear on my ovaries, I have been known to pump a black fist, all giddy, when I am purchasing. I have no idea why I associate it with ethnic pride, but it keeps me happy so whatever. I know. I should get a life, totally.

The Queen Helene product I’d like to talk about today is the Jojoba Hot Oil Treatment for your hair. I say it’s pronounced like “ho ho ba” i.e. make that booty clap. But some people say “joe joe ba” which I think is wrong, but I can never figure out what the truth really is. I mostly just try not to say it and instead point to the packaging if necessary. It comes three tubes to a pack for like $3. So, hello, a dollar a piece pretty much! And it works!

In the summer time, my hair gets brutalized by the heat. It becomes dry and irritable. Yes, my actual hair is irritable, like, annoyed with me and it will refuse to behave. The humidity combined with the heat = not hot. I look a damn mess by noon. Remember on the Cosby show when Lisa Bonet went through her wild flower child stage and every episode, you’d tune in just to see her outfits and her hair. And every episode, she’d come strong with some crazy shit. And she looked unkempt and yet beautiful. My hair does that unkempt thing. Minus the beautiful.

To keep my hair and my scalp moisturized, I do a Jojoba treatment once a week during the summer.

The instructions say to activate it with heat by placing one of the tubes in a hot cup of water. You could do that, or you can just run it under super hot water for a minute which is not a very green thing to do now that I think about it, so yes, stick it in a cup of hot water instead.

Then you snap the little tube open and if you have short hair, you can use only half and stick the little thing you snapped off back into the tube and save the rest for another time. Another adorable little thing about the tube. There’s something gratifying about snapping the thing open and snapping it back shut. I use the whole tube though. Short hair or long hair, I use the whole tube.

On clean hair, you apply it to the whole head. Massage it in. Then, leave it on for as long as possible. The instructions say to leave it on for three minutes and then rinse but I like to treat my products like it’s the Great Depression and get all I can out of them. I like to leave it on forever, with my head wrapped.

Sometimes, I even take it to the beach with me. I wash my hair before the beach. Leave the tube in the scalding hot sun, run and get my hair wet under the shower water (not salt water) and then apply it all over and then wrap my hair in a sarong for the rest of the beach day. I let my whole head cook.

When I get home, I rinse it out of my hair and WOW. My hair is a silk dream.

My main goal with moisturizing my hair this way is to iron it straight. When I do a jojoba treatment and then iron, I can get that nice Asian girl hair. You know how some Asian girls’ hair does that thing where it moves all together in one sheet, one beautiful sheet of heaven? Like that! Jojoba helps me achieve that! This ain’t easy to do because my curls, if left dirty for three or four days, can dread on themselves. The dread look is equally nice, but I like myself with straight hair better. I look meaner, and I feel less likely to be picked up. And when I say “picked up” I do not mean “hit on.” I mean physically picked up, like a child. Why do people insist on trying to pick up humans, human adults, that are 4’11” and under? It’s so incredibly rude! But I digress.

My point is, this summer treat and protect your hair with Queen Helene jojoba. It’s stupid cheap and it’ll make your hair sorta B Scottish. I am still tripping off how this man could be prettier than 99% of the women I know, myself included, and how he manages the time to get his hair that flat and healthy looking. In that sense, I love/hate him, but I bet he’s already on the jojoba train? Are you?

11 Responses to “At The Bodega With Mrs. Beck!”

1. African Girl on April 18, 2008 at 7:30 am #

   Well B, are you? Inquiring minds want to know.
   I have locs that get dry and I have never heard of Queen Helene…I MUST investigate!
   Thanks Mrs. Beck.

   
   

2. thatdamnambee on April 18, 2008 at 11:04 am #

   Mrs. Beck, I LOVE your blogs! I’m a faithful reader! Now I have to go oil shopping! For the jojoba AND the Neutrogena one =)

   I want some B. Scott hair myself…

   Love you all

   “love muffin in training”

   
   

3. GossipChick on April 18, 2008 at 11:25 am #

   MRS BECK!
   i loveee you and these blogssss, can we upgrade to twice a week? PLEASEEEE

   
   

4. jessica on April 18, 2008 at 12:28 pm #

   that coco butter shes talking about is the truth

   
   

5. fee on April 18, 2008 at 5:43 pm #

   I know about that jojoba, girl. That stuff is the truth! Tried that baking soda thing from the first post…H o l l a and Hallelujah! Thanks!!!

   
   

6. Momo on April 18, 2008 at 7:47 pm #

   I keep trying all of the products Mrs. Beck recommends. So far, she’s right on target! And, as I’ve said before, check out her blog (www.princessmelissa.com) and read all of the old stuff. Lots of tidbits that will help a sista - or a brotha - out.

   
   

7. queenie on April 20, 2008 at 1:36 am #

   I’m truly a PJ (product Junkie). I have an entire bathroom full of products. Some good, some not so much, so I am trying to get on the wagon and not by something until I have space for it. But I will most def peep that out when I’m out of my other hot oils…that suck!

   
   

8. Mo Betta on April 21, 2008 at 1:48 pm #

   girl that Queen Helene is the bomb on ashe and their conditioner is good–if you can find it. I think everyone correlates Queen Helene to black folks because they only make products to “solve” black problems–ashe, laying down edges (hair gel), oily skin (face mask) etc.

   
   

9. thistimenow on April 25, 2008 at 3:29 pm #

   I’ve just started reading your posts and love your style of writing!
   Um, you need to start working on a book! I’m going to pitch a couple of books to several publishing companies by August. I”m a cafe junkie! I love going to amazing cafes whose style and design just blow me away for all kinds of reasons. You have great style, keep up the good work!

   Felicia
   http://www.nearandfar.wordpress.com

   
   

10. Je on April 26, 2008 at 5:59 pm #

    I LOVE these blogs from MB.

    I went out and bought a tube of Queen Helene hot oil treatment yesterday, but it’s cholesterol hot oil treatment. (I forgot about jojoba) I know Melissa won’t respond back, but does anyone know if it’s the same thing?

    
    

11. Cham on May 6, 2008 at 6:17 am #

    Oh How I love Melissa. The Only reason I watched Real World New Orleans.

    
    

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