New York saw a Jesus of cocoa
That angered folks no end, don’t you know?
Then came a sculpted Barack in Chicago
That looked like the one we know used to do blow
But it was just papier-maché of a man named Obama
Who won’t ever win while his name rhymes with Osama

Someone asked me if this column was going to about celebrity as the new religion—or about the religious beliefs of celebrities.

Why not both?

Assume for a moment that people like Jesus or Allah or Buddha might just as well be thought of as, say, The Biggest Celebrity In The Culture or The World’s Most Influential Being (a WMIB. It is all about impact now, isn’t it?)

When it comes to having power, Madonna, of course, quickly leaps to mind. Very few superstars have ever attained such a long, consistent degree of idolization by the masses. Her iconic status has etched her indelibly into the pop-culture canon.

She also has a huge … influence, the global popularity of a rather obsessed fan base, and good abs. (All very Jesus-like.) Plus she’s got total brand-name recognition. McDonald’s. Madonna. Marlboro. Mercedes. She’s right there. And obviously, if you can do it with just one name, you’ve more or less “arrived.” (Halston, Gucci, Liberace, Prince.)

So, could we consider Madonna the modern-day version of a new Jesus? She certainly gets as much ink and face time as Nazareth’s most well known carpenter. (And her own line with H&M: ka-triple-ching!)

Chances are that if you’re reading this on Easter Sunday instead of being in church, you worship at the altar of Madonna as easily as you worship at any other altar. (Chances are if you’re reading this at all, it’s a safe bet celebrity is your religion.)

Madonna even had an affair with Jesus in one of her videos. And didn’t she also get with Willem Dafoe, who played JC? Surely, there’s more than coincidence going on here.

What about other possible celebrities-of-worship? Depending on your affiliations or persuasions, you might include: Elvis, James Dean, or John Lennon (who all died young—very Jesus-like). Some people might put Justin Timberlake, Johnny Depp, or Diddy on their lists.

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… little makeup and Photo-shop can do! Kate Moss served us dirty face yesterday while shopping in Los Angeles. And to think she is the highest paid model in the world! In the words of Amy Winehouse “What kind of F@#kery is this?“

The mysteriously splendiferous Mandy Moore graces the May issue of Elle magazine.

Mandy on her image:

“I’m sure I was viewed as the young untalented one. Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera had some great pop music. And then there was Jessica Simpson. And then there was me. And that’s fine.”

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Mandy on being a singer/ actress:

“I’m mediocre at both. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating. I’m just being honest.”

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Mandy on her ex-boyfriend Zach Braff:

“Out of respect to Zach, who I still consider a friend and care about and support, I have nothing bad to say about him. It just didn’t work out.

A little birdie told me that Britney Spears visited an advanced liposuction (dissolve) center during her recent trip to Las Vegas. As we know, Britney lost about 10 pounds during her Promises Rehab stint and has been working out by having intense dance training sessions. I guess Britney needed a little extra help and turned to the center which specializes in a non-invasive treatment that entails a series of injections which permanently dissolve fat. The procedure dissolves away problem fat without surgery and downtime. (B. Scott might have to take a trip himself!) And according to our sources, Britney has been out and about getting light brown hair extensions 2 inches below her shoulders that look fantastic! That’s right Britney, you better pull it together especially with that new album coming out in November.

… faster than I change my 2(x)ist underwear! Lindsay Lohan was spotted for the fourth time in less than two weeks at the Neil George Salon in Beverly Hills. Lindsay apparently is visiting frequently in order to speed up her transition from dark brown to blonde. I personally like her best as the natural red head she is. It’s a wonder that her hair hasn’t fallen out yet!